Baseball has always been a game of prevention: Good pitching always beats good hitting. Defense wins championships. Turning doubleplays are more valuable than hitting homeruns. Hell, even the game is set up to prevent as the defense always has the ball. But what separates wiffleball from baseball is that the difference between good pitching and good hitting is so great that these axioms are flipped on their heads.
Having a consistent lineup that doesn’t just make the pitcher work or draw walks, but hits for power will always be more overwhelming than a pitcher who can strikeout the world in wiffleball.
Or maybe I’m just our of my gourd. Y’know, whichever. Anyway, here are your Week Two Power Rankings.
While the Mets and Rockies may be the teams that other teams fear most, soon enough they’ll also fear the wrath of the Brew Crew. A quick check list of teams they’ve been so far includes; The Dodgers, Yankees, and Cardinals twice!
Ryan McElrath didn’t look as dynamic as last week, which was to be expected considering he threw 11 innings, but he was certainly dominant. He struck out 10 and drove in all three runs he needed to secure his and the team’s third victory of the season. If you think Big Mac is impressive, then you should’ve seen former MVP Jason Paraskevas back in the day. He was the original dual Ace/Slugger, and let me tell you something, to this day no one understands how he gets his stubby tyrannosaurus-Rex like arms around to high-five teammates, let alone jack two bombs like he did on Sunday. Still, with his two solo shots and an RBI from Big Mac, the Brew Crew were able to put up another W. They’re now 4-0.
Looking ahead to Week Three, the Brewers can easily split with the rookie Mariners. But if they take a victory against lefty Matt Vanagas, a sweep is likely.
Brewers split, 5-1
Let’s not get things twisted, the Mets are a very talented team, but they’ve had an easy schedule thus far. While the Dodgers could’ve given them a challenge, the Robles-less Athletics could not, and their Week Two opponents, the Nationals, didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell.
The Mets swept the Nationals 11-0 across both games and only allowed two hits total.
Next up for the Mets, their first challenge of the season, the Cardinals. If the Mets can have at least three in attendance for both games, then a sweep isn’t out of the question. We’ll see if that happens.
Mets fall to 5-1.
If there was a team that was capable of epitomizing my opening statements, it’s the Yankees with easily the deepest lineup in wiffleball. They’ve had three different guys put on a show in their three wins thus far. First it was Nick Gallo, then it was Anthony Bevilacqua, and most recently it was team captain and owner Joey Di Gioia.
With this perennial Murderer’s Row, and outright filthy pitching, it’s likely the Yanks will reach uncharted territory this year.
The Yankees also face a very special opponent in Week Three, castoff-Matt Riegler and the Nationals. Bring your cameras ladies and gents, it’s going to be one hell of a show.
Riegler steals one by himself, Yanks settle at 4-2.
Week Two epitomized exactly what the Rockies season will be like; dominant pitching and weak hitting.
While Dakota Kenny was able to shutout the Athletics for six full innings, so was Jordan Robles over the Rox in his grand return for the Athletics. The difference? Kenny gave up two hits, Robles didn’t give up any. The script the flipped in game two, where Zeus no-hit the A’s. However this time Mike Frezza was able to sneak a opposite field solo homer juussstt inside the foul pole for the game’s only run.
The wiffle gods giveth and taketh.
Next up for the Rockies are the 1-3 Dodgers. This one shouldn’t be close, but we all know it will be. If the Rox knock a few in, they’ll sweep. If not…
Splitsville. Rox settle at 4-2.
In case you haven’t noticed, the Mariners are legit, and it’s time to start taking them seriously.
Their offense may not strike too much fear into any pitcher’s heart, their pitching sure as hell will make your bats feel like Swiss cheese and then their defense will stifle you. I’ve yet to see the M’s make an error in the field and have turned at least half a dozen double plays. If that along with their 26 strikeouts on the season don’t spell “tough to play against,” I’m not sure what does.
The Mariners faceoff against the 4-0 Brewers in Week Three. They’ll pull out a victory against Gallo.
Mariners split to 3-3.
The Cardinals are easily the early season’s most confusing team. Jekyll and Hyde. Helter and Skelter. The Cards will only go as far as Joe Schaefer and Bobby Daly will carry them, but it’s starting to look like they may have bitten off more than they can chew.
A few things are now clear about the Cards; 1- they’re easily rattled. Daly seems to keep a ball of hate stored up for each Sunday and it bursts the moment something goes wrong. 2- Schaefer has lost a notch or two since last year’s near-MVP season. 3- They’re already desperate, which is why they’ve signed free agent Tim McElrath, identical twin brother to the Brewers’ ace Ryan McElrath.
The scouting report on Little Big Mac? He’s the true keeper of the Wonder Twin Power Rings. Therefore his powers are limitless so long as Ryan stays healthy.
The Cards take on the Mets in Week Three, which means if they get a good pitching performance in both games, they’ll have a shot at taking both.
Cards take the one Goo isn’t there for, 3-3.
If the Cards are the early season’s most confusing team, then the Dodgers are easily the most disappointing. At a miraculous 1-3 despite only scoring one (1!) run thus far this season, one has to imagine it can only go up from here, right? They have Mr. Everything Brett Bevelacqua, Eric “The Man” Lanks and Billy “G.O.A.T” Murphy for crying out loud!
Unfortunately for the Boys In Blue, things are going to get tougher before they get easier as they have a doubledip with the Rockies. Saving grace? The Rockies offense hasn’t been any better. Murphy wins one by himself.
Split City brings the Dodgers to 2-4.
Truth is, I believe in the Athletics. They’re a balanced team with the ability to both shut you out and bash your brains in. It wouldn’t shock me if they no-hit you in game one, then mercy-ruled you in game two. But that’s only if everyone shows up and is ready to play. Maniscalco needs to get his head in the game. Lando needs to hit the cages, and Robles needs to be reliable to show up. The margin for error in wiffleball is too small for anything less.
The A’s get another chance to show us what they’ve got when they take on the fledgling fish.
Robles throws a perfect game, then Maniscalco holds the Marlins to five. Squitieri hits one just out of Blickley’s reach for the game winner.
A’s sweep, 3-3.
You may find it incongruous to place a team I just predicted to be swept in not-last place on the rankings, but I can assure you that there’s a very good reason: Pete Montanez.
The legend that is Pete Montanez spans from coast to coast, from Puerto Rico to the Arctic Circle. He is the the greatest this league has ever seen.
Every single Sunday that we get to be in his awesome presence is another day that we ought to feel blessed and honored to be alive.
Amen.
It’s tough to say which is more pathetic, the Nationals pitching, their defense or their hitting. Across four games, they managed to record just three hits and one run (the run came on a walk, mind you). What’s worse is that there doesn’t seem to be a shred of fun being had by any of its members. Not an ounce of positive energy can be seen coming from this team, and if that doesn’t change, they may be the first to go 0-22.
Hopefully free agent signing Bo Muschinsky can help turn things around before it’s too late.
Riegler takes his frustrations out on his old mates, the Yankees. Steals a game to break the schnide.
Nats improve to 1-5.








































